


Power & Control

by Little_Me05



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Depression, Dom/sub, F/F, F/M, Female Friendship, M/M, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-14 14:59:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4568835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Me05/pseuds/Little_Me05
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>♫ Women and Men, we are the same ♪<br/>♪ But, love will always be a game ♪<br/>♪ We give and take a little more ♪<br/>♪ Eternal game of tug and war ♫</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Control is defined as the power to influence or direct another person's behavior. Just hearing the word makes people quick to question and judge. People, much like you and I, grow up to learn that it's problem for another person to control you. We learn that we are supposed to submissive to our parents and teachers commands. We learn that we must listen to everything that they want us to do even if we know that it's wrong and it may cause personal harm to us. In a way, we grow up being controlled by what our parents expect us to be like and what we are and aren't allowed to do. When we're finally out of our parents control, we can finally learn how to control ourselves. We are finally independent from the previous years of being told who to be and how to act. It's a chance to be a new version of ourselves that we weren't allowed to be when we were a child. 

There's two meanings of control, which consist of one good and one bad. Good control happens when you're young and still learning about the world. Your parents ground you when you sneak out to go to that party that you were told that you weren't supposed to go to. Your parents take away your phone privileges if you accidentally spend too much money on that app on your phone. That type of control teaches you that what you did was wrong and they give you a punishment in return, so that you learn the hard way. Bad control happens to anyone at any age. You get locked into the basement for not getting all straight A's on your report card. You get hit a couple times for not cleaning your room fast enough. That type of control doesn't teach you anything about what you did right or wrong. 

Control can show itself to be emotionally damaging to you or help shape you into a very successful and happy adult. Other times, control can be misunderstood and misjudged completely. The problem is having too little control over your child or your partner can lead into them going to jail, getting killed by a gang, or them consistently cheating on you. The other problem is having too much control over your child or your partner can lead into them becoming too dependent on other people, scared of other people, or them to be completely dependent on you consistently controlling them. 

Control comes with the price of another person's life. It only becomes a problem when it goes too far, then comes the forming of the judgement and opinion of other people. Then, everything that you once knew about the word completely changes meaning. At the end of the day, control is only what you make it out to be. Everyone needs some control of their own lives, but other people need it more than others do. The need for control is just as dangerous as being the one that is controlled. The need for more control is what makes this concept of control a bad thing to the rest of the world. Either way, control can be good or bad. Remember that everything started out good at one point in time. Control doesn't have always have to be a bad thing. Sometimes the most obvious things are misunderstood the most.


	2. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything that you need to know about Louis and his life.

Louis' POV

Much like all stories, the story starts when I was born. I was born into the family that included Prime Minister Troy Austin and Jay Austin.

My father was a very respected man in the community and masses of people would pay anything or come from anywhere in the world just to hear him speak. He made many speeches in front of the worlds most respected and well known people to ever exist to this day. I guess that you could say that he was kind of a big deal to the rest of the world. Just knowing him would be an amazing honor in itself.

My mother was quite the opposite of what my father was like. She was very obedient and she hardly said anything about what she thought. She would only speak when she was told to speak by my father. I guess that you could say that she was submissive to him.

My father told my mother one thing before they got married. He said that he never wanted to have any children with her and made her promise on her life that she wouldn't. Here comes the birth of the phrase that states, "Promises are only meant to be broken.".

One day, my father came home drunk from a long day of work. My mother was in a deep sleep when he came into the room and he started raping her in her sleep. The next morning, my mother woke up to find him laying in bed next to her, still passed out from the night before. They both acted like it never happened, because my mother wasn't allowed to talk about it upon my father commanding her to do so. As a few weeks went by, my mother soon discovered that she was pregnant which caused my father to be extremely angry with her. Even though he told her to get an abortion, she continuously refused to listen to him. I guess that was one of the first times that she made her own decisions ever since my parents first met each other.

My mother fought to keep me alive for nine months as my father would continuously hurt her and me. That was one of the first times that my father ever hurt me. Then, my mother finally gave birth to me, releasing me into her cruel world of being a submissive. That's when my father started making it a consist habit of abusing my mother and I on a daily bases.

The rest of world saw my family as the definition of the perfect family. The world saw my father as the respectful father figure with an honorable mother figure and an obedient son figure. If your father is a national treasure, then it must be a proven fact that you're life and family is just perfect. Nobody would ever expect that everything that he was to the public was all just an act. The rest of the world was too caught up in their own black and white world's to even imagine any other possibilities.

For the first three years of my life, I only had my mother to raise me and protect me from my own father. Suddenly, my mother found out that she was pregnant again. My father wasn't happy at all and tried to get my mother to just an abortion. She refused to listen to him again and devoted her time to keeping her unborn child safe, which lead to her refusing to raise or protect me anymore. My father decided then that he would start raising me and become my main parent. My mother watched as my father took away everything that I had a chance of becoming.

That's when I started to develop my negative perception of my mother. She became selfish and would only act in ways that would protect herself from my father. She no longer wanted to sacrifice herself to protect me. My unborn sibling changed my mother into something that I didn't like.

My mother finally gave birth to my younger brother that she named Miller. I remember hating him the moment that he was born, because he took the relationship that I once had with my mother all for himself. It was normal for my mother to be with Miller all of the time and for me to be all alone in our huge house.

The day would start with me getting up and getting hurt by my father before he went to work for the day. My mother would spend the entire day in the kitchen or in her room with Miller. Sometimes she would completely forget to feed me, because she would be so busy with my little brother. When my father came home from work, he would hurt me before he went to bed again.

That's what my life was like until I was finally able to go school. I guess that was the place that I found my happiness in life.

On the first day of first grade, I met a boy named Zayn. He knew who I was, because of my father's fame and my family's status in the country. Zayn was often misjudged by everyone due to the fact that was born in Pakistan and still was learning the English language. I often thought about how similar we were in that way, but I never said anything about it. Zayn and I become very close to each other in a very short amount of time.

The next year of school, Zayn and I became friends with Niall and Harry. Harry and Niall were siblings and did absolutely everything together. Harry wasn't like any other girl that I've ever met. She had a sense of independence to her that made me really admire what she was like. Niall was quite the opposite of what his older sister was like though. He acted like he was something that he wasn't. He often pretended to be like his sister, but he depended on his sister for everything. I guess that you could say that she was the dominant one and Niall was the submissive one in the relationship.

For the rest of the year, all four us would consistently hang out with each other. We officially became a little group and we made sure that everyone around us knew that.

Later in the year, Harry started hanging out with one of the new students named Perrie. One day, we all were hanging out when Harry brought Perrie to join in on the fun. Needless to say, Perrie started joining us a lot more and she eventually became an important part of the group. Perrie was a very open person with everyone about how she felt and would often act older than her age said that she was.

As all of us grew up, we shared more experiences and all grew very close with each other. We did practically every little thing together. We all spent the night at everyone's houses, which included us all sharing a bed and sometimes getting naked in front of each other. We knew almost everything about each other. Almost meaning that they didn't know about the truth about what my family was like behind closed doors. We did have sleepovers at my house the most mainly, because I had the biggest house out of everyone combined. My parents would put up the fake act that they actually gave a flying fuck about my brother and I. Everything was good in my life to them at least.

As I continued to get older, the abuse got servery worse to the point that I couldn't hide it anymore. Zayn was the first person to question me about it. I, of course, lied to him and continued to make up excuses. Zayn wasn't buying any of them though and I was forced to tell him the truth. Zayn stayed the only one that knew the truth about my family life.

This however caused something little to break in our tight little friendship group. Then, everyone started keeping started keeping secrets from each other and only telling one person. Though this was an easily fixed problem with one big sleepover and some naked time with each other. If only I knew then that everything was about to change right before my very own eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> *Harry is a female again*  
> -Rachel x


	3. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some background on Louis and his friend's lives together and Louis' family life.

Louis' POV

I remember one of the worst feelings of my life was the day that I moved out of my family house. The thought that you aren't going to be here anymore with your family is one of the scariest emotions that I had yet to experience. You no longer are going to wake up in the same room that you remember growing up in. You don't have your parents consistently looking over your shoulders. You truly feel and are independent.

Weeks before I turned eighteen years old, I remember hanging out with my group for the last time in my house. Suddenly, it felt like things were going to change dramatically, because they were.

"Do you guys just ever wish that we could be young all over again?" Harry asked suddenly, looking around at the four of us before looking back down at the wall.

I couldn't say that her question surprised any of us, because she was always the person to bring up topics like that all of the time.

Niall and Zayn nodded their heads at the same time, looking at Harry from their position on the love seat in front of the couch that she was laying on with me.

"I'd love to relive everything with you guys all over again." Perrie said sincerely, smiling at Zayn and Niall laying on each other on the love seat and looking back over at Harry and I laying down on the couch together.

Harry playfully shoved Perrie's arm, causing Perrie to softly push Harry's arm and flashing her a quick smile before sitting back down on the small couch next to my couch.

"That's not what I meant, Per. I mean, like all the memories and just being innocent little kids again that had no one clue in hell about what the real world was really like." Harry said quietly, starting to tear up at the memory causing me to place my hand on top of her hand affectionately.

"We all want to be those innocent little kids again. I miss thinking that we were someone else when we would play dress up. I miss thinking that you could get a girl pregnant just by looking at her naked. I miss not knowing how babies were made. I miss everything that we all once thought." I said boldly, causing everyone to laugh at what I said, but still getting the point of what I just said.

"If that was actually the case, then I would have gotten Harry pregnant so many times when we were growing up." Niall said smirking, trying to keep a straight face, but he soon failed and started busting out laughing again.

Harry got up from the couch and walked over to Niall, smacking his arm before rolling her eyes at him and taking her seat next to me on the couch again.

"Don't you dare speak of that, Ni. I swear that I will actually murder you in front of everyone." Harry said jokingly, looking at Niall at seriously before she started laughing uncontrollably again.

"You can't touch him. He's mine." Zayn said smirking, jokingly grabbing onto Niall's hand and held onto it protectively causing Perrie and I to roll our eyes at their unnecessary touching of each other.

Simple things like that is what made me happy. Even though we were having a serious conversation, we could still act childishly and have a good time. That was something that I was going to miss the most. The idea that we couldn't act like a group of children when we all were about to be adults was something that we never understood. To us, there was no concept on a certain way that we had to act. We were just a group of close friends having a good time together. That was something that was never going to ever change.

Though that one single thing wasn't going to change, everything else around us slowly was changing by the second. The day that we all put on our caps and gowns marked the official first day of our new independent lives.

"Can you actually believe that we're actually graduating from high school today? Fucking high school?" Harry asked happily, shouting loudly and jumping up and down in her white gown and white cap.

"Calm down, Harry. People are starting to stare." I said calmly, grabbing onto her shoulders and trying to calm the excited girl down causing one of the students to roll their eyes at us before walking in another direction of the football field.

Niall and Perrie walked over to Harry and I on the end of the football, smiling at us before pulling us both into a long hug.

"I can't believe that this is actually happening, Louis? Please tell me this is just a figment of my imagination and we're children pretending that we're about graduate." Perrie whispered to me quietly, still holding onto my body tightly and looking me dead into the eyes for any confirmation that this was real life.

"This is actually happening, Per." I answered her truthfully, smiling brightly to her and forcing to keep away the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes.

Perrie let go of me and attacked Harry and Niall into another hug causing the two of them to gladly accept her into their enfolded arms.

"I'm going to look for Zayn. Is that okay with your guys?" I asked randomly, remembering that Zayn wasn't here with us right now. It felt so weird without everyone being here. It was really worrying me that he wasn't here yet.

"Please look for him." Niall answered me honestly, feeling the same concern that I was feeling, but refused to show it in front of the girls.

Within a few minutes of looking, I found him alone sitting on the ground at the empty part of the field with his cap and gown on the ground next to him.

"Hey, Is there any reason why you're sitting down alone on our graduation day?" I asked loudly, slowly taking a seat in the spot next to him and wrapping my arm around his shoulders.

"I'm just thinking to myself." Zayn mumbled quietly, instantly moving his head onto my shoulder like it's become normal for this to happen, because it has.

"What about?" I asked curiously, moving my body closer to his body and looking up at him before placing my hand on his leg.

"Louis, we are graduating from high school today. What's going to happen to us after we graduate? We all have our own plans for the future. I mean, Perrie's moving to New York and Harry is going to the best college in the world to become a professional writer. Niall is going to college to be a fucking doctor and you're going to Greece for the summer. What am I going to do without you guys in my life?" Zayn ranted frustrated, not noticing the little tears roll down his cheeks before I wiped them away with my fingers.

I quickly wrapped my arms around his larger body, comforting him as he placed his face into my chest and wrapped his arms tightly around me.

"Nothing is going to change. Remember the promise that we made when were kids? We will never ever stop being apart of each others lives, even if that means that we travel to see each other. Zayn, nothing and I mean nothing can ever end what we all have with each other. By all of us moving on with our own lives, that just means that we'll have more experiences to tell each other and laugh about when we see each other again. You aren't ever going to lose us, even if you want us to leave you alone. We all love each other too much to do that to each other. I love you too much to ever leave you." I said sincerely, feeling small tears start to roll down my cheeks before feeling a pair of soft lips slowly touch the tip of my lips.

"I love you too." Zayn said happily, slowly taking his lips off of mine and grinning at me with a wide smile stretched across his face causing me to smile back at him.

"Get your cap and gown back on and let's go graduate high school." I said still smiling, grabbing onto Zayn's hand and pulling him back up on his feet. Zayn grabbed his cap and gown and we walked away together.

Then, the independent age of adulthood had finally come to a start. Like it was predicted, Perrie moved out of her parent's house and moved to the shining place of New York City. Harry and Niall started their packing for their upcoming college experiences and moved their separate ways. Zayn got invited to an upcoming singer/song writer event for the summer in France.

That's when it hit me that I might be wrong about it all. Things wouldn't be the same if we all were doing completely different things with our lives. How could things ever be the same between us again if we all doing different things with our lives? It felt so weird that everyone was doing something completely different. For our entire lives, we have always done together. It felt so weird to do everything on my own, without them.

I remember the last day that I ever woke up in my childhood bedroom. The last day that I would ever live with my family and see them everyday of my life. Sometimes I wish that it wasn't the last day, because I never wanted it to end.

"Are you almost done packing already?" Miller asked boldly, standing in the door frame of my almost empty room and almost giving me a heart attack due to him scaring me to death.

"Yes, I am. Where the hell did you come from?" I asked rudely, placing the object that I was holding onto the bed and turning around to face him.

"The same place where you came from." Miller said cockily, looking at the boxes that surrounded the bed and looking back up at me.

"Can you help me take some of these boxes out to the car?" I asked desperately, trying to get my stubborn brother to help me move out causing him to roll his eyes at me and pick up one the boxes off of the floor.

I grabbed a box and followed him out to my car that was parked in the front driveway. Miller harshly threw the box onto the ground causing me to scold him before making him place it in the truck of the car.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked my brother randomly, causing my brother to look up at me for a second and shake his head unable for anything to come out of his mouth.

I placed my box into the truck of the car before placing my arms around his body and holding onto him tightly.

"Will I ever see you again?" Miller asked me quietly, placing his head into my chest and holding onto my body even tighter.

"Yes, you'll see me again. I'm just going away for the summer. You'll see me before you go back to school again and you can always call me whenever you want. I'm not going anywhere." I said smiling down at him, soon letting go of my grip around his body and walking back into the house to get more boxes to place into the car. 

I promised my brother that things always wouldn't change between the two of us without realizing that I just lied to my little brother by making him a promise that I couldn't keep again. Since he was young and naive, he believed me when I told him that I would come back to see him again. Once again reminding me that I was no longer that innocent child to believe a promise like that. I was an adult and I was finally an independent man. I could do anything that I wanted from this point on for the rest of my life.

I finished officially packing and was forced to make up a promise that I would come to see my family again soon. Once again showing me that I wasn't supposed to need them to live anymore. I didn't need them apart of my life any longer. Then, I left for my summer in Greece, desperately trying to forget everything that I once knew about my life. Everything was just about to change in my life and I admit that I wasn't quite ready to realize that just quite yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
> Enjoy!!
> 
> *Harry is a female*  
> -rachel x


	4. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when everything is good again, everything goes back to where it started.

Louis' POV

The feeling of starting in a brand new place with completely different people does have some positive aspects. The chance to be known as someone else rather than what your parents made you to be known for was one of best parts of becoming independent. 

Everyone knew who I was, because how well known my father in the country. Whenever I would go anywhere, I would be asked about my father or about my family. People would ask me what my father was like or what was like to be the son of such a wonderful man. Nobody saw me without seeing my family standing right next to me. I was only ever known as the eldest son of the famous Troy Austin. All the importance that I had to the rest of the world was just by being born into the right family from day one.

Another positive aspect of starting brand new was more than the chance to be someone else, but to find who I was supposed to be without the help of my family. I needed to find who I was supposed to be, because I was going known as that person for the rest of my life. 

The day that my plane left the ground, flew through the sky, and touched the ground again was the official start of discovering just who I was supposed to be. I remember walking off the plane and just feeling like a big weight have been lifted off my shoulders. This change was good for me as much that I was in denial that it was actually happening.

I arrived to the house that I rented for the summer and slowly started unpacking the boxes that had brought with me as the memories of every item entered into my mind. This was a chance to start a brand new life and I didn't want to let go of my old one. My thoughts showed me images of my family and my friends that I had just abandoned. I imagined the hurt looks on their faces like I had abandoned them from my life. I didn't get any sleep that night as the guilt grew heavier in my chest.

The next day I was more than determined to do anything to get my mind off everything that was bothering me. I forced myself to get out of bed not remembering that I wasn't going to wake up in the same place that I was used to waking up in every morning. Even though I really wanted to spend my entire summer mopping around the house, I fought the urge and decided to go out to eat for lunch.

I could already tell that Greece was some much different from what I was used to. Everyone was so into their own little worlds as they walked around the beautiful city and quietly admired the life that surrounded them. It wasn't about who was the wealthiest or everyone's social status. It was just about what the city had to offer them as a person and I really thought that I could get used to that. 

I stopped at a small restaurant that looked good and quickly ordered my food. After a few minutes, I payed for the food and took a seat at one of the empty tables. I noticed that there wasn't many people in the restaurant which I took to my advantage and enjoyed the silence of my surroundings. 

As I ate the food that I ordered, I could feel a pair of eyes stare at me from across the room. I looked at the other side of the room paranoid before looking down at my food again. 

I got on Facebook to check what my friends were up to. Niall posted a picture with some friends that he made at college. I ignored the jealously burn in my stomach as I liked the picture and left a comment on the picture. Harry posted some statuses about how great college was so far and I kindly liked some of them to make her feel good. Perrie posted tons of pictures of New York City and I also liked some of them. Zayn posted some videos of him performing at the festival and I commented on some of them telling him nice things. 

It made me mad that they were having a great time and I was here missing them desperately. I wanted them to hurt the way that I was hurting, but they weren't. They were truly ready to move on with their own lives and I still wasn't ready. I wish that I could be like them and learn that it's okay to let change happen. I still wasn't ready to let go and I questioned if I ever was going to be ready.

I looked up from my phone and looked as a man from the opposite side of the room stared at me. I looked at him before looking down at my cold food again. A few seconds later, I found that the man wasn't sitting in his seat anymore. 

"Hello there." A deep voice said from behind me, snapping me out of my thoughts causing me to turn around to face the very tall man looking at me innocently.

"Hi." I said shyly, looking into the tall man's eyes and noticing the smile that had just formed on his face causing me to look down away from his eyes.

"Any reason why you're sitting all by yourself in a restaurant that is meant for couples?" The man asked confused, cocking his eyebrow confused almost making me forget that he was obviously flirting with me with the entire time.

"Well, I didn't know that this was a restaurant for couples. There was no sign on the door that said that I couldn't come here and eat by myself." I commented sassy, trying to prevent myself from saying the statement too rudely or condescending.

The man quickly laughed it off before flashing another quick smile at me. 

"You're sassy. I like that." The man said kindly, obviously trying to flirt with me and doing it successfully causing my cheeks to turn a little shade of pink.

"I'm Liam Payne and you are?" Liam asked too politely, taking out of his hand for me to shake it before I quickly grabbed onto his hand and shook it.

"Louis A-Tomlinson." I said politely, quickly recovering the words that had come out of mouth and coming up with a plan that I knew that I was going to regret in the future. I didn't care that I lied. It was a brand new start.

Liam smiled at me kindly, not seeming to notice anything that had just happened. He let go of my hand before handing me a folded small piece of paper.

"I'll show you around sometime. I'll be seeing you soon." Liam said winking at me before quickly walking out of the small restaurant causing me to stand in the same spot confused. 

In the back of his mind, he knew that he would see me again. I wouldn't say that it was a feeling that he got from me or that this had happened to him before. He simply just knew that I was going to see him just because he knew. Something that I soon learned about him was that he was always right and I never tried to deny it again. 

I saw him again two weeks later as I walked through one of the biggest tourist attractions in Greece. He somehow found me in the masses of the people in the same tight space. He just knew where I was and I admit that it started to creep me out a little bit. 

I knew from the beginning that something about him was different from everyone else. He wasn't much of a talker and he often would listen to you talk, refusing to add any of his own input into the discussion. The moments that he would talk would be like a philosopher teaching the people something new that they had yet to know. It was almost like everything that he said was so interesting like it only wanted you to know more. 

Being near him soon became an addiction of mine. I noticed from the beginning that I would just forget about my old life and how much I missed it. He made me forget that other people were around, because it only felt like it was the two of us. Soon enough, the insecurities of change didn't scare me anymore. I was no longer scared of the unknown, because I learned that there was nothing that could possibly scare me. 

I started spending every free day that I had with Liam. He helped me unpack and set up my summer house to the style of living that I wanted to have. The free, single, and independent life that I've once dreamed of having was actually happening right before my own eyes. I felt like I had everything that could have want in life. 

The part that worried me the most was that I never felt like this with my group of friends. I had to lie to them about a lot of my life. I couldn't tell them how I truly felt sometimes and maybe that's why I wasn't happy. 

I was showing Liam a side of myself that I never let anyone see in me. I trusted him so much in a very short amount of time. That was something that I didn't realize could possibly end in the way that I didn't plan. Maybe I should have saw that there was something odd about all of this. Maybe this wasn't the way that things actually were like in reality. Of course I didn't see any of this before it was too late to change anything and I was only forced to live with the consequences. Love is the deadliest weapon that someone can use against someone else. That was something that I have never been more right about anything in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!  
> Hope that everyone enjoyed.
> 
> -Rachel x


	5. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The point before the downfall is my favorite part. It makes this worth the fight."  
> -Louis

Louis' POV

Once you have accepted that change happened, it's hard to imagine what life is going to be like from that point on. The only thing that there is left to do is to go with how everything is going without having any idea how any of it could possibility play out. That's one of the scariest things about living life in that moment is that you don't know what's going to happen. It's almost as if life takes advantage of you at your weakest moments.

I guess you could say that I shouldn't be so hard on myself doing the things that I did in this time period. I was just taken advantage of in my weakest moments. At the time, I thought that I was at my strongest without seeing that I was being used for something that I couldn't help.

Liam and I went from friends to best friends within the entire progression of the summer. We started going out to clubs late at night together, going out to dinner with his friends, and even spent days sleeping at each others houses. We would do certain things that were borderline sexual when we are completely wasted and I wouldn't be lying if I said that we might have made out a couple times on accident.

Liam and I developed this really strange bond with each other within that time also. Liam could tell with one look on my face if something was bothering me. No matter where we were or who we were with, he would pull me aside and try to make me feel better again.

That was when I started to feel something for him that I wasn't supposed to feel about my best friend. Whenever he was near me, I needed him to touch me and make me feel like everything was alright. When we were out with his friends or with other people, I craved him so much that I grew jealous when he wouldn't give to me. You could say that I was obsessed with him. I don't want to say it was love at that point, because I didn't love him like that. I was supply just obsessed the idea of him being in my life, which later turned into something that I didn't want.

I fell in love with him at that point, even though I continued to deny that I was. One thing that I remembered was that love makes people vulnerable and I didn't want to be vulnerable. I knew that if I let myself have him, then I wouldn't want to leave him. In the back of my mind, I knew that it was too late for all of this. I was trapped in his spell from the first day that I met him in the restaurant on my second day in Greece.

The fairy tale soon had to come to an end as the summer approached the end. I would've been lying if I said that I had any desire to go back home, because I honestly didn't want to back. I didn't want to see the look my family's face when they knew that I've ignored them all summer. I didn't want to see my old friends that I haven't talked to all summer either. I just wanted to continue to live in this version of reality, my own dream version, that only consisted of Liam and I together.

Two weeks before the summer was about to come to an end, Liam and I went out to the restaurant from the first day that we met. Everything was good between until he brought up the one of the two topics that I didn't want to talk about at all.

"Louis, I have to ask you a question." Liam asked randomly, changing the subject from what we were currently talking about causing me get him a confused look.

"What is it?" I asked confused, trying to hide the worry in my voice before looking at him and looking back down at the table.

"Would you like to move in with me?" Liam asked boldly, startling me at first at the question before I gave him a smile and nodded my head.

"Why wouldn't I? I mean, we've been friends for almost three months. Yes, I would love to live with you." I said happily, starting to ramble too much causing Liam to wrap his arms around my small waist and I wrapped my arms around his body too.

"Thank you. I don't know I would do if you left me. Don't ever leave me." Liam said quietly, mumbling the words onto the back of my neck causing me hide my blushing face into the croak of his neck.

To be honest, it made me feel good that he needed me like I needed him. He didn't want to leave him before he even realized that I never would leave him under any circumstance. That's also when I realized that I couldn't live without seeing him and being near him every day of my life.

He helped me pack up all of my belongs in my old summer house and we brought all of the items to his house. He gave me a room that was right next to his room before letting me settle into his house. After I completely unpacked my items, we spent the first night officially living together watching tv and ordering out food. It was almost like the fairy tale didn't ever have to end.

After less than a month of living together, we both discussed that our relationship was changing between the two of us. Liam admitted to having feelings for me and I opened up to him that I was scared to be with him. He told me that everything I was scared of was all in my head. He told me that everything was going to okay and I completely believed him.

That was when we officially started dating. It started like everything in life does for every human being to ever existed. It was amazing and perfect in every single way. I couldn't think of any place that I wanted to be in that wasn't with him. At that time, I believed that choosing Liam over everyone else that used to be important in my life was one of the best decisions that I ever made.

My entire life I made the choice that made my family or friends happy. It became such a habit that I was always stuck doing things that my friends wanted me to do or my parents expected me to do. My life was never about what I wanted before I met Liam. Liam made me happy and I didn't care anymore if I was being selfish for making myself happy. Life isn't always about making other people happy. It's just for your own happiness. That was one of the most important things that Liam had taught me. 

Another thing that Liam taught me was that when he told me not to leave, I couldn't leave him ever again. I placed myself in my own trap without even realizing that those words had another meaning. One thing with Liam though was that everything had another meaning. To be more precise, everything that he had ever said had a double meaning. That was one of the scariest things that I had yet to learn about him. 

Liam wasn't the person he claimed to be, and neither was I. We were both complete frauds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! :)  
> -Rachel x


	6. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis learns his first major lesson from Liam.

Louis' POV

Commitment is one of the hardest concepts of being in a relationship with someone else. It's not that it's actually hard to say to that you are going to be loyal another person with your entire heart, because words are always going to be just words. Another concept of this system is trusting the other person with your entire heart, which is just as challenging as commitment. Trust goes to both ends of the stick. In a perfect world, a single soul wouldn't have to worry about trust and commitment. It was just another unspoken agreement between two people in love with each other.

However, these were somethings that Liam couldn't obtain for himself. He wasn't good at the whole commitment idea and none of his past lovers had ever held that against him. He simply wasn't a committed or open person. It was present that he had trust issues, which caused him to never fully trust anyone that he had ever dated.

Our relationship started as white as snow. Everything was calm and out there for everyone to see, but everything is not what it ever seems to be. I have lived in the dollhouse world before as I grew up into a new blooming adult. Every ounce of my body cried out to be heard for other people to know what was happening behind closed doors, but no one can see what you hide on the inside.

I remember that as I was a child I would question what I was supposed to be. The question that seemed to be so simple for other people, but I never knew the answer to.

I was sitting in my desk on my first day of first grade with my lunch and back pack on the side of the desk. The other kids were talking to each other as I sat in the other side of the class by myself. The school bell rang and everyone sat in their assigned seats.

"Welcome to first grade! I'm Miss. Daisy and I will be your teacher for the year. Before I start to introduce more about myself, I want to get to know you guys better." The teacher said happily, smiling widely at the class before passing the papers out to her students.

I took a piece of the paper and passed it to the person sitting next to me.

"Thank you." The person next to me said quickly, starting to write onto the paper.

The first question asked for my name and gender. I quickly froze in panic and tried to ignore the sickening feeling in my stomach. I wasn't a boy or a girl. I didn't know what gender I was or what I supposed to be. I hesitantly rose my hand to get the teachers attention. The teacher ran over to my desk and bent down at my height.

"What's your question, honey?" Miss. Daisy asked helpfully, looking my paper confused when she realized that I was still on the first question.

"What if I don't know what gender I am?" I asked nervously, trying to hold my hands down to stop them from shaking, which caused the teacher to look at me confused and to start laughing.

"Everyone has a gender. You're funny. Okay, get back to work." The teacher said abruptly, walking back to her desk and leaving me in complete devastation.

After that traumatic experience, the teacher called my parents to question them if I acted this way at home. My father quickly dismissed this statement and said that I was only making a joke and I didn't mean it. The teacher believed him and my father soon punished me for thinking things like that. He said that I needed to stop this behavior, because my thoughts would ruin his precious little reputation. It was like I was stuck in an internal dollhouse of my very own.

Within a few months of dating, Liam seemed to notice this little aspect about me that I remained to keep hidden from the world. I wouldn't take off all of my clothes when we would have sex. I had this habit of obsessively looking at myself in the mirror after I took a shower. Liam seemed to notice that would take longer in the bathroom. Liam didn't understand that I had to look at myself in the mirror, because I was trying find out who I was on the inside.

One day I was in the bathroom for over an hour and Liam came in to check on me. I remember holding a pair of scissors in my hand and grabbing onto my dick. Liam ran towards me and took the scissors from my hands. He didn't know that I wanted to get rid of everything that I wasn't comfortable with on my body. He didn't know how important that this one action was for my perception of myself.

I remember being scared that something about myself was being shown to another person. Someone else had found out about something that I wasn't comfortable with sharing with anyone. I was scared that he was going to use it against me like it was a bad thing for him to know. 

Liam already knew about it though. He told me that he always had known ever since the moment that we started talking months ago. This made me wonder what else he knew about me and wasn't telling me. My mind started to function in panic mood at all times. This caused me to never let my guard down anymore, not even showing it in front of my boyfriend.

This is what I call the beginning of the decline of our own Roman empire. Liam, as the leader of the empire, didn't like that I was hiding parts of myself from him. He was in charge of my life and this isn't what he wanted to happen. My actions to protect myself caused the first crack in the empire and the empire continued to crack with action after that. 

One night, Liam and I were laying in our bed together as we sat in silence and watched something on the tv. I had my head placed on Liam's bare chest as he was looking at his phone and completely ignored what was happening on the tv. The tv started showing an abortion advertisement, showing the stereotypical man and women refusing to get an abortion. 

"Liam, can you pass me the remote?" I asked panicking, not even trying to take my head off his his chest as I tried to calm myself down. 

Liam didn't make any response. He looked at me before quickly looking back at his phone. I got up from my spot next to him and walked to the stand directly next to Liam to get the remote. When I turned around to face him, he gave me displeased look.

"Why are changing the channel? I like this show." Liam asked confused, putting his phone on top of the bed and grabbing onto my wrists.

"There was too many commercials." I lied dismissively, looking down at the ground and looking back up with guilt for lying to Liam once again that I felt uncomfortable about something that the tv had showed.

"You get offended to easily. You don't even know what it's like to get pregnant." Liam said rudely, knowing that he offended me as an attempt to show that he was the dominant one.

That wasn't the first time that he had used my own insecurities against me as a way to prove his dominance. He would do it when we were in doing anything in private, but never in the public eye of other people. Liam, much like my dad, had a reputation to uphold and I could get in the way of everything. Liam was known as the towns charmer and center of attention. The town gave him the most importance to the world, but he needed much more for himself. 

At this point, I learned another important lesson from him. Everything, everyone, and every situation was all just a new layer of the same dollhouse. The entire world and every place in the world was all living one big lie. Liam also showed me that an empire only stands when everyone is pretending to be something that they aren't. For once, I understood why my entire childhood had been an act.

My father had an empire of his own with the eyes of country watching his every move. If he had let someone see past the lie in his actions, then his empire would shatter into pieces. He wasn't a perfect person and he didn't have a perfect life, but the empire thrived off the idea that perfection existed in someone. 

Liam and I's empire was perfect because we were both lying to each other about parts of ourselves. In a sense, a perfect empire does exist due to the lies that existed between the people. With this logic, you need to build up the empire, so that it can thrive on other empires lies until everyone in the dollhouse lives by these lies.

The only concept that confused me was that Liam wanted the empire to shatter to pieces. He didn't want the empire to thrive off of the lies between the two of us. He wanted me to tell him everything that I was lying about to the world. He wanted me to open up to him outside of the dollhouse's rules. 

This made me wonder if the only reason that he talked to me, became my friend, and started dating me was to break the empire once it was at the most powerful moments. Liam only needed me for showing me that everything eventually falls apart that was once powerful. Liam only was with me to break me down until I was an empire that was completely destroyed and I don't know if that was supposed to be a bad or good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
> Hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> -Rachel x


	7. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis reveals deep secrets with Liam for the first time and begins to show Liam a little bit of his life at home.

Louis' POV

As children, we see the world in a different lighting compared to than how we see it as adults. The world to a child is much like our own version and all our dreams seem to be possible. It's almost as if everything around us shows the same clique fairy tale plot, where everything happens to play out perfectly all of the time. We dream of finding our prince charming or our perfect princess and everything will be always be perfect. I used to believe in a clique fairy tale that I would find my perfect princess and everything would be perfect. I used to believe that my life would follow the same clique fairy tale plot.

The first time that I learned this might not be correct was when I walked in on my father having sex with another person. This person wasn't a woman, but instead was an actual man. Prior to this situation, my father taught me that I can only be what the public told me who to be. I had to be a heterosexual man that was tough. I couldn't be confused on what gender that I was supposed to be or have a sexuality that wasn't heterosexual. The actions of my father confused me, because he was supposed to be a heterosexual man and not what he told me that no one should be.

One of the most important things that I learned was from Liam. I remember the day that I told Liam my true sexuality. He had been trying to have sex with me and I kept denying his needs, which naturally made him mad. Then, one day he asked me the magical question that put another crack in the dam.

Liam and I were laying together in bed as the television played softly in the background. Lately, Liam had been acting very needy for attention and sometimes cuddles weren't cutting it. This particular night Liam had just been out undoubtedly drinking with his friends at the pub after working all day. 

After a night of drinking, Liam always got really touchy and clingy to me. I enjoyed that he actually wanted me for once but it was in a way that I wasn't comfortable in doing. Usually, he would start doing something and stop once I snapped him back into reality but tonight it didn't happen quite like that. 

"I need you Louis." Liam whispered seductively into my ear, roughly biting the lobe of my ear and suppressing a quiet moan. I remained quiet as he continued to take advantage of my body. I wanted to tell him to stop but something inside of me knew that he wasn't going to stop.

"Liam, please stop." I whimpered quietly as Liam started biting the croak of my neck. Liam ignored my pleads and acted as if he didn't know what he was doing was making me uncomfortable. I managed to distract Liam by kicking him in the crotch and I pulled out of his grip. Liam groaned in pain as he got up from the floor and grabbed onto my wrist. 

"What the fuck was that Louis?" Liam asked angrily, one hand tightly holding onto my wrist and the other hand holding onto his crotch. I couldn't manage to get a word out to defend myself at all. I wanted to tell him why I truly did it but I couldn't find the right words to say it. 

"Liam..I-I don't like sex." I stuttered quietly, refusing to look up at him as his grip on my wrist began to loosen. Liam slowly moved away from me and sat back onto the bed. He gave a confused look before looking back down at the floor. 

I felt like I needed to explain why I was this way but I didn't know why. I wasn't like what everyone wanted me to be. It meant more than not being heterosexual or homosexual but it was fact who I was didn't need to have sex in order to be satisfied. Of course I didn't say any of this to Liam and instead I simplified everything when I said, "I'm asexual.". 

I thought this telling Liam would cause him to break up with me and move onto someone that liked sucking dick. Though, for some unknown reason, this new information about me didn't scare him. Instead, he only acted more interested in what I had to say and do like he was finally getting to know the mystery behind the act. 

Liam started acting like his original self again like nothing happened between the beginning of our relationship to now. He actually treated me like I mattered to him and not like I was just a toy in his game. Everything was the world's definition of perfect again until I got a phone call that brought me back into the real world.

My mother called me for the first time since I've left home almost a year later and told me that I needed to come home. She said, "Something happened to your little brother...he wants to see you.". I told her that I would come down for a visit without telling her that I might be bringing someone else on the trip home. She didn't need to know that I had gotten myself in a situation that I didn't know how to fix in only a year since I left her protective nest. I didn't want her to get involved in my private relationships with other people, especially the most dangerous relationship with Liam. 

Later that night, I informed Liam about the trip that I needed to take back home. To my prediction, he wasn't thrilled about me leaving Greece and him behind to go back to England to see my family. He decided that the only reason that I could go was if he came along with me and made sure that I would leave to come back with him. It wasn't that he didn't trust me being on my own, but he didn't like that leaving would involve leaving him alone without me. 

Nights before we left England, I spent most of night tossing and turning in bed as my darkest thoughts haunted my subconscious. I was worried if Liam would recognize my father and realize that I was lying about who I was for the past year. I was worried if my family would start to question how I met Liam and what I really felt about him. I was worried that something terrible happened to my brother and this was the last time that I was going to see him. Most importantly, I was worried that Liam would get angry and possessive in front of my family and I would have to lie about a random injury. This was the first time since I left my isolated world that only included Liam and that thought scared the hell out of me. I felt like I wasn't ready to leave it all behind quite yet, because human contact had become so limited to me in the past year. 

After three days of packing and planning, the cab drove us to the airport and we boarded the plane traveling to England. The entire three hour plane ride consisted of Liam and I watching an old movie from the eighties and Liam not realizing that I was pretending to sleep to calm my nerves. When the plane landed, Liam and I exited the plane and grabbed our bags from the convener belt. We walked towards the large exit sign in the front of the large airport and unloaded our bags into a cab. The short trip from the airport to the old house that used to be my home seemed to last a lifetime. Liam grabbed onto my hand, leaving me unable to determine if it was a sweet gesture or if there was some other hidden meaning behind it. 

The car pulled into the driveway of the one of the elegant houses in all of England combined. Liam gave me a very confused look and said, "Goddamnit, that is one of the largest houses that I have ever seen in my life.". I awkwardly smiled at Liam before the sound of my mother's echoed through the walls of the garage. 

Welcome to Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!   
> -Rachel


	8. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis pays a visit to his family and learns many things along the way.

Louis' POV

I used to believe that anything could change if you believed that it could. I used to think that things would always end up at the same point as they previously begin in the past. Then, I learned that everything that I knew was just a bunch of lies told to everybody at some point in time. I saw that there are some aspects of life that nobody can control no matter how much it sucks. I lived through the constant change in life that things are never going to stay the same. 

Since I walked onto the old property of my house, I knew that this trip was already different from the old days of my life. I was wiser and older than before, but for some reason I felt like I have turned into someone that I never wanted to become in the first place. A piece of property to another person that would just discard me to the side. The old house that I used to find comfort in had turned into a place that I didn't belong. I felt like a stranger in my own house that I used to call home not even a year ago. Everything was already so different from what I knew and it scared me. 

The visit started in awkward embraces from my mother, grandparents, and brother. My mother couldn't stop telling me about her new garden that she had planted last summer. She constantly bragged about her award winning tomatoes and strawberries. My grandparents asked how my trip to Greece went and how I met Liam. I, of course, lied to them about pretty much everything that happened in the past ten months. I didn't want anybody to know about the situation between Liam and I. My brother told me about his school year and the trouble that he had got into with his friends. 

The fact that disappointed me the most was that my father had yet to say a single word to me. I wanted him to say that my visit home changed something about his daily life, but nothing about my presence changed him. Later that night, I decided to confront him. 

I left my old bedroom and quietly closed the door behind me. I quietly tiptoed downstairs to the office that undoubtedly held my father inside for many hours. Hesitantly, I lightly knocked on the door and heard the sound of shuffling feet towards the door. The doorknob turned ever so slightly before a dull image of my father appeared. 

"What do you need?" He irritatedly asked, looking like he would rather be talking to anybody rather than myself. 

"Uh..Can I come in?" I boldly asked, looking at my father with a new found confidence that I didn't have for him before. He looked at me as if I crazy and shrugged his shoulder's instead of denying like he usually would. I nodded my head slowly and followed him closely to the large and messy office. I moved a pile of papers onto a different chair and sat on the empty chair. 

I was about to start to say something before I realized that I had absolutely no idea what to say to my father. I never actually tried to have an active conversation to him without being yelled at by him. Then, I decided to talk about the only thing that he seemed to have any known interest in that wasn't his job. 

"Can you ask you something?" I asked nervously, holding onto the sides of the chair very tight. 

"Well, go on." He said expressionlessly, closing the lid of the laptop and lighting another cigarette from a candle. 

"Okay, uh..how do I out of a situation that I didn't intend to get myself into?" I asked unsure if I could ask an even more vague question. My father moved his hand to indicate that I needed to give him more information. "Okay, let's just speak of terms of 'what if's'. What if I entered a situation that I knew was dangerous and I knew from the beginning that I couldn't get out no matter what happened." 

My father nodded his head as he thought to himself. "If you know that you can't get out of it, then there is only one thing to do." He said stopping, placing his cigarette down onto the dish and continued to say, "Kill yourself. There's no problem if you're dead.". 

I stared at him with a look of shock as the fire from the cigarette disappeared from existence. "Is dying the only way to get out of it?" I asked quietly, almost too afraid to hear the answer that I knew was true. 

My father cleared his throat before speaking again. "Louis, life is all about putting yourself in situations that will kill you. It's why a women gets pregnant. She knows that there's a chance that she or the baby will die, but yet she takes the chance to get pregnant in the first place. Soldiers go to war knowing that there's a high chance that they might never come back home again. Yet they take the chance to leave the country and die for the people that could zero shits about them. Even if you somehow you survive the chance that you take, the problem never goes away for longer than a minute. The women is left with a child size broken heart or the child is left without a mother to raise them. The soldier is left with nightmares of death to last them a lifetime. The soldier's family is left heartbroken without them in their life. So, do I think that you could get out any mistake that you've made? No, I do not and the only way to get out of life is leave life." He said without flicking or showing any other emotion on his face. 

I nodded my head and left the room before I ran upstairs into my bedroom to have another restless night. 

I thought about what my father said that night multiple times to learn how true it actually shows in life. Sometimes there is a way out of problems, but the consequences always follow shortly behind. That night taught me that nothing in life is meant to last forever. No matter how unbreakable that the relationship seems, it isn't going to be a problem forever. 

The next day, my mother showed me that life is always going to be unpredictable. She told me the real reason that she told me to come was to say goodbye to my brother. Then, I found that my brother's illness that he was born with was finally catching up with him. He was going to die and there was nothing that anybody could do anything about it. 

I couldn't say that I was surprised, because everybody knew that this would have to eventually come. I just didn't except that it would be this early in life that I would have to deal with the inevitability of death. Liam asked what was on my mind and I decided that it was best not to tell him the truth about my brother. He didn't need to know, because I never wanted him to know that side of me. 

The night before Liam and I had to return back to Greece, I decided to take my brother out to alone to finally tell him the truth.

We walked out of the car and to a park bench in the large park in front of us. We sat down next to each other as if it was last time that we were going to see each other again. 

"I want to tell you a story that I want to think about every time that you think about me." I said quietly, wrapping my arm around my brother and holding onto his shoulder. He nodded his head and leaned into my arm. 

"Whenever you're scared of the world or questioning everything that you've ever known, because you will, I want you think of a world. A world that isn't made of lies and doesn't let good people die for no reason. I want you to imagine a world that is full of the truth and the best of people are displayed to the public, because that's who they truly are and not who we want them to be. I want you to think of a place that makes you and everybody you love happy at no expense for other people's happiness. I want you to feel like your voice, in the crowd of millions of other voices, matters just the same as someone that has a million dollars more. That's the world that I want you to remember when it's all over rather than what it's really like to live in the world.

Once when I was kid, I had so many hopes and dreams that they could take over the world. My dream consisted of finding love and having this perfect little life that could never change. I wanted to marry a flawless princess and we would always be happy as long as we were together. When I actually fell in love with someone, it wasn't like that dream at all. I fell in love with prince rather than a princess and he was one of the most flawed people that I've ever known. True, I did finally find love, but at what cost is love? Is love worth being scared of who you are if you never get the chance to find yourself? I was shown that love comes with a cost as the cost of wealth is being unhappy. I lost my freedom to be who I want to be, all the ambitions that I once had died, and I lost the part of myself that I loved the most. All of those consequences just, because I happened to fall in love with somebody. 

When you really think about what you're life was like before you leave, I want you to not have the regrets that I have. I want you be happy no matter how challenging life could be at certain moments. Most importantly, I want you to know that I will always remember you not as someone that I lost. Instead, someone that has ambitions and dreams more alive than any other person living in history. I will remember those dreams and ambitions over the life that everybody will say that you lost. To be honest, I will remember the best person that I ever known in my life that will be the most brave person that I've ever met. That is what I want you to think about when you think about me and this is what I will think about when I think about you."

We both left the park that night with our hands together as one person with a single mind. I knew that people would tell him things that they wanted to hear if they knew that they had a death wish. I knew that the only way that he was going to get through it was if I told him something that he needed to hear. After I told that, I knew that he was going to be just fine in the end. He just needed to be reminded that his death was only about him and not anybody else. 

Hell, if I was about to die, I would want somebody to do the same thing that I did and not about the lost life that I could've had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you and Enjoy!


	9. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis finally gains the confidence to stand up to everybody.

Louis' POV

Something about the concept of life interested me in the darkest way. The idea of death was one that never scared me, but instead enlightened me. I have never been someone to be scared of the things that I didn't understand. I didn't need a constant assurance from a faith that there was a life after death. I didn't need the idea of a heaven to help me fall asleep at night. I felt safer with the unknown world than the world of the known. 

My entire family had decided to call themselves "Devoted Christians", even though I've never seen my father or mother pray once in their lives. I think that they only called themselves religious, so that they would feel some assurance in the afterlife. Throughout the years, I realized just how stupid it is to claim to be religious only for the purpose of death. The entire concept still doesn't make sense me to this day.

The concept of death was something that I begin to obsess about thinking about again after meeting Liam. It wasn't like I had wanted to kill myself when I was with him, but I got the same feeling around him about death. He was like an undiscovered species of animal that had just been discovered from the Ice Age. He brought a brand new perspective about the world to my vision of the world. He was a fresh voice in a crowd full of the same voices. 

This is when Liam taught me something that I've never actually thought out before meeting him. He said to me, "Louis, do you know why people pray to God? It's not because they know that he's there with them, but that they hope that there is a God. It's for the same reason that why we have medical insurance. We don't plan on getting sick, but if we end up getting sick, we have the means of getting better. God is like some back up plan if the main plan doesn't go wrong." 

Then, I realized that religion doesn't only exist to explain death, but to be a back up plan in life as well. Liam, himself, wasn't religious at all, but also didn't believe in the process of evolution. He believed that there was no right answer, so there is no reason for him to believe in any of the reasons. Maybe he had been right at the end of the day. There was no right answer, so what was the point in believing in a lie just to fall asleep in peace. 

These thoughts made another appearance around the time of my brother's funeral. Just as those people that thought that they were right about their beliefs, they would be more pursuant in death. To be honest, I hated the idea of funerals my entire life. It wasn't for the person that died, but for the selfish people still alive. However, I still went along with Liam and forced myself to write something to say. The treat that these people were in for when I would talk. 

Liam straightened his bow on his suit and sat down on the hotel bed. "Do you need help with your tie?" Liam asked looking up at me before patting down for me to sit down on the bed next to him. I nodded my head and sat down next to him. Liam grabbed the two ends of the tie and quickly made it into the correct shape. Then, we both left the hotel and drove to the funeral sight. 

Whenever we got to the beautiful park, Liam and I sat down in our correct seats. I felt sick when I read who I was sitting next to. Zayn. I haven't spoken to him in almost a year without realizing it. I held onto Liam's hand nervously and Liam looked over at me before looking away again. 

The funeral finally started and Zayn had yet to show up. I actually wished that he couldn't make it or something. I just didn't want to face him ever again if I could. Then, it was finally my time to speak in front of everyone. I got up from my seat and walked on the little platform to the stand. 

I looked over at the empty seat where Zayn wasn't and looked back at the people in front of me. Then, I started to talk by saying something truthful for once, "I'm not going to say that the typical stuff that you say at funerals. My brother was a good person with a good soul that was like no other person. He wasn't someone that was fake or a liar to everybody. He was someone that I always wanted to be. Honest for once. So, what better time to be honest than now?

"I think that everything that everybody knows about my family is a lie. Fuck it, I know that everything you know about my family is a lie. Yet, they mourn like there is nothing to hide from the world. I'm not going to stand up here and lie for them anymore. I'm done with it. So, here's the truth for everybody that will shock you. My parents didn't want Miller. Hell, they didn't even want me. But, do you know why they wanted to keep us? They wanted to a trophy to show their success and that's all it is. If you think that it's wrong and that you don't think that as well, then you're lying to yourself. On the outside, they act like the worst thing ever happened to them was their son dying. However, they don't feel that way on the inside. All this is to them is a broken trophy that can't be fixed. Then, they'll win another trophy and forget like the old trophy even broke. These are who the people you admire truly are on the inside, but they aren't even close to the only ones that feel this way. 

"This is me finally finding the courage to stand up for the people that I love more than anything. I don't care if you're mad or offended about what I just said. You can be mad at me all you want, but you don't know anything about this family that you admire so much. You don't know anything at all. That is what my brother would want me to say about this pitiful scene of liars. Nothing but the truth of what I see." 

I ran off the platform and grabbed onto Liam's hand. I started to drag him out of the park and he followed closely behind me. Then, we ran into the car and shut the door. "That was beautiful." Liam said in admiration before we connect our lips in happiness. Then, the driver started the car and we drove away from the park. I could've sworn that I saw Zayn smiling as I was speaking out. 

That was the day that I finally found my voice and it was the best feeling in the world. I finally knew who I was supposed to be. Maybe things in my life would start working out for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new story!!!  
> Enjoy reading it, my loves!! 
> 
> -Rachel x


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